Beauty is in the eye of the beholder ...

I woke up this morning and I thought to myself ... "What should I do today?" ... let me rephrase that ... "What WILL I do today?"

Then in a blinding flash of inspiration ... or perhaps it was indigestion ... I thought ... "Of course! I will become a Beauty Blogger."

Now for those of you that are doubting my Beauty Blogger credentials ... let me share with you a little known fact.

Once  upon a time ... many, many years ago ... I was in fact ... drum roll please ... a Revlon Lady!!

I went on a course for a few days ... did an exam ... which I will modestly reveal that I blitzed ... top of the class ... and I was awarded a certificate and a badge.

Woo hoo ... congrats to me!!

Though I'm pretty sure even bottom of the class got a certificate and a badge.

Here I am in an entirely politically incorrect position with my boss.

This has absolutely no bearing whatsoever on this story ... aside from the fact that he sent me on the course ... and I wanted an opportunity to show off my BIG hair.

So ... back to the point.  This proves that I have the qualifications to give beauty advice.  As long as your questions relate to Revlon products circa 1990.

So, here is my beauty regime ... followed somewhat religiously ... most days.

I shower and wash my hair with whatever shampoo and conditioner were on special at the supermarket the last time I needed them.  The current offering is TRESemme.

It sounds mighty posh ... what with that little thingamajig  over the e ... but just how posh can you be for $4.99 per 900ml?

I don't use soap ... not unless I want scaly lizard skin.  Instead I use something like this ...

... which promises to moisturise while it washes ... and I'm always up for a shortcut.

If acceptable moisture levels have not been attained ... I follow with whatever body lotion I happen to have in the cupboard.  My skin is currently enjoying the soft and sensual replenishment of this one ...

That takes care of the body ... now for the face.  I moisturise daily with this ...

and this ...

I give special attention to those attractive laughter and character lines.  I'm specially attentive in rubbing stuff on them ... in the hope that they'll disappear.  But surprise, surprise ... despite promising to reduce their appearance within seven days ... my face remains stubbornly full of character!

Moisturiser is followed with sunscreen.   Every single day ... rain, hail or shine ... without fail.

Sunscreen is applied to all exposed skin ... with the exception of my legs ... I'm letting them age disgracefully.  Target is my brand of choice ... not too gluggy ... not too greasy ... just right.

The final facial step is a dusting of powder.  I pick this one up at the supermarket for around $12.

It does a stellar job of adding a little bit of colour to my otherwise pale, pasty complexion ... a symptom of all that sunscreen application.  Just remember to brush and blend under the jawline too ... no one wants a tide mark around their face.

Finally the hair ... (are you still here?) ... I was cursed blessed with a huge cowlick, right on the front of my hair.  It is so horrific it frightens dogs and young children.  For the last 30 odd years I have been attempting to control and train this beast into submission.  My current line of defence is this ...

... the stronger the better.  A generous dollop of that on the fringe and then a HOT blow dryer.  I send a fervent prayer to the Good Hair Day Gods and then I blow that all day sucker ... thus named because it sucks really bad all day long ... straight down.  I blast it with the hottest air I can withstand until my scalp is just short of blistering.  Then I give it a burst of cool air ... to kind of set it ... and to give some temporary relief to my third degree burns.

Here I am back in the days when I embraced the cow lick!

And that's it ... I'm good to go!!

Impressive ... yes?????

You can thank me later.

Please note ... I blurred the edges of this photo in the hopes of disguising all background mess