The joys of Christmas shopping ...

There's a sense of Christmas in the air,

Ignore it only if you dare.

You could try really hard not to see,

But it's everywhere … on radio and TV.

And every day when the mail drops in,

There's a thousand more brochures to line the bin.

We're constantly reminded to gets our bums into gear,

Take out a new mortgage and face off our fear.

For although we'd like to call a stop,

It's time to go and Christmas shop.

So in our thousands we all drive in,

I grip the wheel with a manic grin.

With beady eyes … sweat on my brow,

I yell out the window … "Oi … piss off you cow"

Cause we all knew when we embarked

That there'd be just one spot left in the whole car park.

Then I finally park … and out I stagger,

The others still searching all stare with daggers.

And they can't give up … and go have a beer,

Cause it's time to shop for their Christmas cheer.

Then once inside … amidst the hordes,

I scan my list of things I can't afford.

Head down, elbows out … classic Christmas position,

I'm off at a run to achieve my mission.

And I dart in here and I grab things there,

As the listed items I try to snare.

I swerve here and there with madness in eye,

And a child seeing Santa starts to cry.

As those carols play on … in an endless loop,

I'm surrounded by shoppers starting to droop.

But there's one last thing that I need to find,

And I know there's not many left of it's kind.

So I dive over a woman and hurdle an elf,

And grab the very last one from off the shelf.

I ignore the crestfallen granny who had tried to get there,

And I brandish my prize … and I fist pump the air.

I cackle insanely … "I'm out of this joint"

But it does cross my mind … that we've all lost the point.

Happy Christmas shopping … one and all!

By Me