Is it Monday yet?

It's been quite a pooh of a day today.

We went grocery shopping....which I hate with a passion.

We got home and I had to put all the groceries away....which I hate even more.

While picking Master 15 up from work...the car played up....the speedo sat alarmingly on 0, even though I was driving on the freeway at at least 110kms per hour.  I didn't want to stop in case it never started again so I limped home, expecting the engine to self destruct at any moment.  Of course when I got home and Hubby took it for a spin to check it out it behaved perfectly!

Then I (somewhat emotionally) resigned from a position I have held for the last decade....that of Family Christmas Present Draw Officer.

Let me set the scene....

There are 6 kids in my family...and now that most of them have married and reproduced...and some of their kids have married and reproduced...there are quite an abundance of us.

It was decided years ago...that we couldn't afford to buy each and every one of us a Christmas present without extending our mortgages every December. So we set up a system where each male bought for one male and each female bought for one female....the buyers and buyees being decided in a random draw....and the kids got something from everyone until they left school.

I have had the joy of facilitating this draw for the last 10 years.

But now I am tired....tired of doing it and tired of trying to please everyone which frankly, is impossible.

This year...I have already managed to displease several family members and we are only in October.  It seems anything to do with Christmas is immediately fraught with emotional angst.

So I've called it quits.

I'm done.....like a dinner!!

I'm passing on the baton....so if anyone is interested......

POSITION VACANT - FAMILY CHRISTMAS PRESENT DRAW OFFICER

Reporting to "The Family", this role is critical to the annual exchange of Christmas gifts.  You will require the ability to meet strict deadlines and manage high level disputes.

Job Description:

• Complete the annual Christmas draw in a timely manner
• Communicate draw result with all stake holders
• Manage and resolve internal disputes 

Desirable Attributes:

• Use of Microsoft word beneficial
• Thick skin highly regarded
• Willingness to take the blame for everything essential
• Must work well in a low morale environment

The successful applicant will be rewarded with significant grief and stress, and an unattractive renumeration package totalling $0.00.  Package also excludes car, bonuses, share offers, leave entitlements or any overtime.  

There's life left in the old dog yet.......

So Hubby, who may well be in the midst of a mid life crisis, has decided to take up cricket again.

He played throughout his teenage years and then on into his twenties.

After I met him I didn't mind that he disappeared all day Saturday....it gave me the chance to get together with friends, family, go shopping, get my hair done etc etc

Then Master 15 came along and all that changed.

I was enjoying motherhood (read between the lines....suffering with a crying baby, dirty nappies, vomit, and loads and loads of laundry) all the working week long....and I'd be blowed if he was going to escape from it on Saturday as well.

So my foot came down...and his cricketing career was over.

The years passed...and so did his fitness.

But now he has decided he'd like to take some "him" time......and with the kids now old enough to deal with their own bodily functions....I surprised him by agreeing!! I think he thought he would get an argument out of me....and was possibly a little peeved that I agreed to him disappearing all day every Saturday throughout the summer so easily.

Training started a few weeks ago....and as a result he has discovered that he has a bad back, a tricky knee and that physical exertion disables him from simple tasks like walking for a day or two after each session.

It's hard to admit that our bodies don't cope quite as well as they once did, that we might be getting....gasp....old....but there's a little clue in Hubby's recent purchases......

The final training session before the start of the season was held on Thursday night and final team selections were made. After such a long absence from the game Hubby was expecting to get selected in fourth grade....second grade at an absolute push.  He came home in shock, and perhaps a little terrified....he's been selected in first grade....seems the old man can keep up with the young whippersnappers after all.....but I'll have his "supplies" ready for when he gets home!!

Buster...you're a disgrace....

It's fair to say that Buster is not having the best of weeks, see what I mean here.

This morning I had to take him to the vets for a final injection in a series of four he had been having for his tricky knee (otherwise known as his luxating patella).

As always he was happy to take a car ride...not so happy when he saw our destination.

With a little gentle persuasion (read dragging by the lead, while he tries to dig his claws into the asphalt) I managed to get him inside.

He proceeded to let his displeasure be known by barking thunderously at any dog he decided he didn't like.  There was a maltese and a poodle he was prepared to tolerate...but an unsuspecting cocker spaniel felt the full force of his diatribe....and don't get me started on the two huge unknown breeds that came in.  They watched slack jawed as he just about turned himself inside out in his efforts to fling abuse at them....definitely a case of small man syndrome.

Finally the vet called us in and peace was restored to the waiting  room.

As I mentioned, this was the fourth in a series of injections and Buster was wise to this caper by now.  He had absolutely no intention of even allowing the vet to examine him.  She suggested that she might examine him "out the back", that's where the naughty dogs go, and I suggested she might like to jab him while she was there.

He came back in wearing a little muzzle, oh the shame, as this was the only way she could give him his once over.  By the time she had him on the table, he had managed to escape the muzzle entirely.  Once it was back on she decided to give him the needle...quick...but not quick enough unfortunately.  Despite my complete lack of training she decided it was a good idea to get me to hold him....don't think she'll be making that mistake again anytime soon.

I wrapped Buster in my arms...she approached with the syringe....placed the needle against his skin....hesitated for a millisecond and.......he performed a triple somersault with an inward pike and landed at the end of the examination table.

The needle hung forlornly at a 45 degree angle from the syringe....the vet was bleeding from a scratch right across the back of her hand....I hung my head in embarrassment and shame and began apologising profusely......Buster grinned.

The vet gathered him up....smiled....murmured things about superficial wounds....and returned him to "out the back".

He was returned to me by the nurse...the vet was receiving her own clinical care....and I apologised again....."Guess he has a reputation here"......she didn't deny it.

I paid my money, bought some worming tablets I didn't really need to prove what a good customer I am...and fled.

The nurses final words were ringing in my ears....."He's a little dog with a big personality".....somehow I don't think she mean't it as a compliment!

VS

Shame File...

Dear Optus,

One of these people, or perhaps both should be held accountable for the unholy shambles that is called Optus.

They are paid the big bucks to ensure that they are "responsible for setting new benchmarks in customer service" and is "responsible for owning Optus’ relationship with the customer end to end. This includes customer care, logistics, credit and billing as well as customer insights and retention."

I'm here to tell you that you are doing an appalling job and you both need a reverse raise.

I have a few customer insights into your billing, customer care (or as I like to call it no care) that I'd like to share with you, and I'm yet to see Optus follow through on anything end to end......but funnily enough I am unable to find your contact details.

If you'd like to know what I'm talking about you can catch up on the goss here and here and here.

Oh and by the way, as you may have gathered I'm still waiting for the phone...and I'm still being charged a handset fee for a phone I bought outright over 4 years ago......and I'm still being charged for 1.5GB of download that I have no access to on my current handset.

Just thought I'd share.

Have a nice day!!!!

An uninvited guest.....

Let me just make one thing crystal clear...I don't do spiders, lizards, frogs, snakes or rodents.

If any of the above make an impromptu visit to my household....I wash my hands of it and hide.

That's man's work...and there has to be some payoff for living in a household of males!!

I believe it was the day after our wedding when I first realised that Hubby was not going to be too much help in this department.  I discovered a lizard was enjoying the amenities and the air conditioning in our honeymoon suite, and jumped on the bed to avoid it...Hubby jumped on too and his squeal was louder than mine!!

He has learnt to overcome some of his aversion to creepy crawlies....through necessity....the necessity that I cannot sleep if I know anything is lurking in the house...but he will never be one of those brave, pick it up in his hands and deal with it types.

Luckily we have Master 12.

He is our resident little Crocodile Hunter.....and if I have an issue with a critter........he is my "go to" man.

So.....when, from the corner of my eye, I saw something dart behind the buffet ....his talents were called into  practise.

He came up with an ingenious plan.......

 it peeped out one end.......

 and then the other......

where it fell into Master 12's wily trap!

I would have captured a shot of Master 12 flipping up the container and securing the lid....but I was too busy squealing and making sure my escape routes were clear.

 Master 12 proudly showed off his catch.......

 ...and then like all good environmentalists he released it into the wild.......

  .....while I kept a safe distance!

A message to our interloping gatecrasher.......don't come back or next time I'll go with Hubby's suggestion and let the dog sort the problem out!!

STOP PRESS.......the dog's gone mad......

Buster has always been a bit.....how can I put this delicately.......neurotic.

When we first brought him home at 8 weeks, he refused to sleep alone.  I mean he literally refused....if he was left in the laundry or the family room or anywhere.....he would cry all night long....way worse than any newborn baby. And he would pace.......back and forth......constantly......until his paws were so sore he could hardly manage to walk the next day.

We managed to get past this stage.....and finally get some sleep.....by doing what all the experts say not to do.....we gave up!  He has slept happily with Master 15 ever since...an arrangement which suits them both very well.

He was also prone to react negatively when left alone....even for short periods of time...like bathroom stops.  This reaction usually took the form of a bathroom stop of his own, and a steaming turd being left at your point of exit.  He has improved but even now, at almost 2, he still leaves his offensive calling card at times.

All is well in his world if he is sitting on you.....this is his favourite option, next to you....this usually involves gradually turning into the first option, within a metre of you.....and alert for any movement you may make, or at the very least within sight of you......this is the last resort, done when sleeping, usually with one eye open.

So as you can imagine, things get very difficult should we dare to go away for a few days.

We don't usually dare.....as a result we have only left him for more than a day, twice in the last 2 years.

The first time he came home exhausted...he proceeded to sleep for the next 48 hours....his feet were sore (from his pacing) and his nose was cut....we assume from pacing with it stuck under the bottom of his door.  He had a delightful case of diarrhoea and was generally pissed off at us for leaving him.

So it was with a large degree of trepidation that we left him this last weekend.

When we picked him up the cheery girl on the desk exclaimed how wonderful he had been and went to get him.  He was out like a desperate criminal on death row in sight of his only chance of escape....no pause to meet and greet....he made a beeline for the front door.....and nothing was going to stand in his way....not even said door!

Once in the car he fell asleep....immediately.

I could tell he was lighter and he attacked his food like a starving man....which I guess he was.

Then he went to bed...and slept.....and slept.....and slept.

On the few occasions he woke it was to lick ferociously at his feet....which were obviously very sore (again)....and he limped along.....refusing to go anywhere near the gravel path.

This morning he is a little better, though still subdued.....he managed to bark at his nemesis.....the cat from next door....but without his usual gusto.

He wanted to come in the car when I took Master 15 to work.....but he slept....even when I opened the window....a trigger for ecstatic face in the wind behaviour.....usually.

He is sulky and standoffish, doesn't want to look you in the eye...but don't you dare leave the room.

He's not licking his feet so much....just everything else...the carpet....the windowsill....the table leg....a wooden box.....

I do believe he has lost the plot...and his neurotic behaviour is heading swiftly into psychotic.

I refuse to accept that having a dog means you can never go anywhere, ever again....but it sure feels  like it at the moment.

We have a three week holiday planned for November....so stay tuned....

Happy to be home...but not happy!

In a postscript to this post...in the last hour Buster has bitten a hole in the carpet and peed on it to boot....he is currently exiled to the back yard...with no plans for an early release.  He may want to plead insanity.....but I've a feeling he'll be found guilty on all counts with the motive of good old fashioned revenge!

I on the other hand am almost certainly losing my mind....

A grand time was had at the Grand Final......

Now to condense an epic three days into one blog post.....

We left as planned on Friday morning....drove all day....stayed that night in Albury.......and then, on Saturday morning continued to Melbourne.....

....at last it came into sight........we were almost there........but first we went past some art......

....and then we got to the MCG!!

It was wet, very cold and very windy...just your typical Melbourne day really!

Did I mention it was windy...

I saw some ridiculous clowns dressed up in red pants.....

.....oops.......that's just Hubby and Master 15 :)

Here we are, ready to go in......

We managed to make our way through the crowds and found our seats......

Did I mention it was cold?
The guy behind is obviously mad!!!

This was the view from our seats........

There was pre-game entertainment.......including a fly over.......

....and then the Sydney Swans (and the other guys).......ran through the banner and onto the field.

The National Anthem was sung......

...and the Sydney boys had a rousing final speech...

 The game started at 2.30.....here's the first bounce......

......and then they played football. 

It was a very close, nerve wracking, nail biting and heart attack inducing game.

 They led and then we led and then they led and then we led.....but at the final siren......

......WE WON!!!!!!

The  crowd went wild.......

 .....and so did I......

 .....and so did the players.....

.....and then they all got a medal each.....and got to hold up the cup.....

and play around in the confetti.....

and that was that!!!!!

Then we had to drive home......

.....along the way we saw lots of these.....

........and stopped at most of them!!!

We saw lots of road kill, and if I had a dollar for every dead roo I saw......I could probably pay off my credit card!!!!

I also saw this guy......which I thought was worth a mention.....

Loving the track suit!!

We saw these giant wind turbines.....

......and quite a few of these.......

but we still managed to get home.......eventually!!

Buster was waiting for us.....but he was sulking.........and still is........