Friday, 7 March 2014

An Ode to our Optical Odyssey ...

My son … he loves cricket … so he tried out for the team.
It's a sport that he holds ... in the highest esteem.
It wasn't too long ... before he was heard to exclaim,
"I made it … I'm in ... I must prepare for the game."

The preparations were not ... to go and get fit,
What he meant was it's time  … to buy the priciest kit.
Then once he was batted and padded … boxed and the like,
You would think he was ready … but NO … there was one final strike.

"But Mum" … he cajoled … "I want to make a big score",
"And that will be hard  … when my eyesight is poor."
"What I need are some lenses … the contacty type,"
"If I have some real soon … then I won't need to gripe."

So he made an appointment … you can do that online,
And before I could blink … he had a day and a time.
I could feel my poor purse ... getting lighter and lighter,
But he couldn't care less … the self centred blighter.

Then I warned him  … quite gently … that despite his confident air,
That contacts were tricky … and must be handled with care.
He pooh poohed my concerns … "Mum it'll all be alright"
"I'll pop them in for the game and improve my eyesight."

"I only will wear them ... for sport …  you will see,"
"I can handle these things … it will be easy for me."



So we arrived ... at the Optical Shop … right on cue,
And listened intently ... to the lady who knew.
How to put in those contacts … and how to take them back out,
How to wash them … and store them … she left us no doubt.

Then it was time … to make the transfer,
And that's when the phenomenon ... began to occur.
He held that small disc ... and he looked at his eye.
Then he blindly pushed on … and gave it a try.

At that point … he paused … he was suddenly clammy,
His heart it was racing … a big double whammy.
His face it went pale … with a grayish, green tinge,
Sweat formed on his brow … and he started to cringe.

He put down the contact … and made a quick plea,
"I really must sit … I'm weak at the knee."
"I'm feeling all dizzy … my innards are churning."
It was very dramatic … and somewhat concerning.

And so we discovered … despite his confident air,
That touching his eyeball … is something he just cannot bear.
Now the hard lesson to learn ... was don't be such a "know-all"
But as a typical teenager … he probably learnt nothing at all.

By Me

25 comments:

  1. Jo!!! You are a regular Dr. Suess!!! This is so funny. It sounds so much like my son. You have earned a well-deserved Gold Star for Super Mommyness!

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    1. BOYS!! Oh and I love Dr Suess … so that is a compliment of the highest order :0)
      xx

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  2. This is a story that will be sure to plague him for a very long time....well written. xxx

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    1. Bound to get a mention at his 21st ;0)
      xx

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  4. Hilarious! As a long-time contact lens wearer, please tell your son he is a great big wuss! (Only joking, it takes a bit of getting used to but then it becomes second nature.) xxxx

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    1. He did eventually get one in and out … but hasn't touched them since … could be another expensive mistake ;0)
      xx

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  5. I wondered about this, and it hardly surprises
    It's a little unnatural, putting things in our eyes-es
    I'm sure it's a case of 'if Mum can, it's a snack!'
    Then it's not, but they don't say 'I take it all back,
    I thought I could do it, I just didn't pick it
    Can't put in the contacts, nor win at the cricket!'

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  6. A poet, an artist, damned hilarious, is there no end to your talents? xxx

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    1. Haha … thanks Vix … you are too kind to me :0)
      xx

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  7. Jo, you are brilliant! contacts are tricky but once he gets used to them, your son will be whipping them in and out! my eldest had them at 11, and I have been paying for them since!! how did that happen?? she's 19! x x x

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    1. At the moment he's refusing to even try again … but they're bought and paid for … so he better get over that quick smart ;0)
      xx

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  8. Love it! And I love your header. Too cute!

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    1. Thanks Allison … glad you like it … both of them ;0)
      xx

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  9. LMAO Oh I love it - not your lighter purse or the eyeball part. But the lesson taught to a teenage know it all (I have a pre-teen know it all) and you poem are both award worthy :) xx

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    1. I can't wait for the twenties … when they realise they don't actually know it all … after all ;0)
      xx

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  10. I love it! So clever, Jo. Jo xx

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  11. You are so very clever! And also very correct!! Hope you have a book for all your fabulous writings.

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  12. I love your poems!! Poor boy, I totally understand. It took me a good month to stop wanting to pass out every time I put my lenses in. But nothing would stop me from pushing on, nothing! Vanity is a great motivator. x

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    1. I'm sure the vanity will kick in soon :0)
      xx

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  13. Brilliant Jo, you're a funny chick x

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