There's a sense of Christmas in the air,
Ignore it only if you dare.
You could try really hard not to see,
But it's everywhere … on radio and TV.
And every day when the mail drops in,
There's a thousand more brochures to line the bin.
We're constantly reminded to gets our bums into gear,
Take out a new mortgage and face off our fear.
For although we'd like to call a stop,
It's time to go and Christmas shop.
So in our thousands we all drive in,
I grip the wheel with a manic grin.
With beady eyes … sweat on my brow,
I yell out the window … "Oi … piss off you cow"
Cause we all knew when we embarked
That there'd be just one spot left in the whole car park.
Then I finally park … and out I stagger,
The others still searching all stare with daggers.
And they can't give up … and go have a beer,
Cause it's time to shop for their Christmas cheer.
Then once inside … amidst the hordes,
I scan my list of things I can't afford.
Head down, elbows out … classic Christmas position,
I'm off at a run to achieve my mission.
And I dart in here and I grab things there,
As the listed items I try to snare.
I swerve here and there with madness in eye,
And a child seeing Santa starts to cry.
As those carols play on … in an endless loop,
I'm surrounded by shoppers starting to droop.
But there's one last thing that I need to find,
And I know there's not many left of it's kind.
So I dive over a woman and hurdle an elf,
And grab the very last one from off the shelf.
I ignore the crestfallen granny who had tried to get there,
And I brandish my prize … and I fist pump the air.
I cackle insanely … "I'm out of this joint"
But it does cross my mind … that we've all lost the point.
Happy Christmas shopping … one and all!